Dear Friend,

This is a letter from your ol’ pal, muffin top. Well here we are at the beginning of another year.  You know the time of year when we make ourselves lot’s of false promises?  I’m really looking forward to hanging out and having some more fun with you again.  Last year was freaking awesome.  Lots of good times, great food, and sitting around eating until the itis kicked in.

Well, I’m thinking about hanging around another year if it’s kool with you?. But you might need to get a bigger pair of pants, as I was thinking about expanding my place down here and I would like to be comfortable.

If you could do me a favor and avoid that boot camp you were thinking of doing. The last time you did that, I nearly had to look for a new place to live. I felt like Frosty The Snowman when he takes off his hat.  I was melting fast!  I’m sure glad you cared enough about to stop working that hard.

So here’s our plan for this year, we’re going to do a lot of slow long duration cardio.  You know the kind that gets you a little sweaty and keeps you in the mythical “fat burning zone”? Yeah that’s what I’m referring to.

One more thing, don’t listen to Coach Blair, but keep listening to those “experts” at your gym who say strength training doesn’t help you burn body fat. The research clearly shows they’re wrong when they say lifting light weights with lots of reps will help you “tone up”.  If you were to put down those light weights and actually started doing some serious strength training, I won’t be able to hang out with you this summer and you know neither of us want that.

Remember when you tried those metabolic circuit workouts last year?  It felt like someone lit a match under our collective butt. I was burning up down here!  But boy oh boy, I sure was glad you gave that up and went back to just lifting utensils and not dumbells and kettlebells. Thanks for showing me that you still care about me

Sometimes I wonder what did you ever do in college without me, your trusted muffin top?  Back then, you were so lean and couldn’t wait to go to an event that allowed you to show off your body. Not like these days though where we stay in the shade and keep the cover-up clothes on.  Besides, its a lot closer to the cold drinks and food when you’re sitting in the shade avoiding all the fun down on the beach.

Well, I appreciate your time and it sure was good chatting with you.  I’m sure we’ll be in touch more often, as long as you stay away from Coach Blair and those 3DFitness workout routines.

Brings a tear to my eye whenever I even think about those workouts and all the muffin tops it’s melted. Heck, it’s melted more muffin tops than a frying pan has melted butter!

So again, if you want to keep your dear old muffin top around for another year and another summer, and I know you do, don’t join 3DFitness – otherwise, its all over and you’ll never see me again.

Your friend and spare tire,
Muffin Top